Advice To Fraternity Guys

My fraternity (Alpha Sig at Clemson) has a tradition where graduating seniors send a final message to the fraternity-wide GroupMe - imparting wisdom upon those who remain - before voluntarily leaving the group.

This tradition is participated in with varying degrees of seriousness, ranging from “See yall in the real world, hit me up if you need a place to stay in NYC,” to what you will see below. I went overboard, mainly because I was in the car for 10 hours driving to Tampa with all my worldly possessions, hurtling toward the biggest transition and adventure of my life. As the thoughts came to me, I voice-dictated them, then pressed send maybe three hours into the drive at the first gas station in Georgia.

Here is my overkill, unnecessarily dramatic advice to my younger fraternity brothers. Some are personal, others are more organizational. It’s not that serious, but at the time, it was. From May 13th, 2023:

Drove from Clemson to my new life today. Always thought I’d prepare this well in advance but it’s just a stream of consciousness from the drive. Have a lot of thoughts and had no way to organize them so I just numbered them:

1. Be honest with your brothers. Thoughts are nothing unless communicated. Call them out on their bullshit, build them up when they need it, compliment them when they deserve it. Brutal honestly might be awkward and tense in the moment, but if you’re truly promoting what’s best for them, they’ll understand in the long-run.

2. Give a damn about the values. You don’t have to get them tattooed on yourself or profess them to everyone you speak to, but respect and live by them - it’ll only help you.

3. There is never any need to sacrifice internal cohesion.

4. The brotherhood is precious. The Roman Empire was supposed to last forever. One wrong move and we’re a bullet point. Take care of the brotherhood, and take care of your brothers.

5. No position should come with privileges. Researching the mountain weekend house for 4 hours one weekend shouldn’t be rewarded with the best suite in the place. VP grinds his ass off and sacrifices every weekend for no pay, every position should be just as selfless.

6. One person for one position. The best individual - alone - should be trusted by the brotherhood to excel in that role on his own, as everyone before him has done. The problem with two in the same position is the diffusion of responsibility.

7. Having fun is far more important than looking cool. Optics are important, but more important is creating memories. I’d rather be cool than look cool. “A bad look” isn’t always a valid reason for not doing something - oftentimes no one is looking.

8. To directly contradict my previous statement, you never know who is watching. Perform at your very best, always.

9. If the brotherhood trusts you to do a job, do that job. If you can no longer do that job, QUIT. There are brothers who want that position and will work harder than you - it’s selfish to have the ability to do great things for the chapter and instead do nothing. Our positions aren’t hard. If you can’t do them well, you won’t do real life well.

10. Sometimes, the brotherhood is wrong. As Fat Joe’s boy Winston Churchill said: “democracy is the worst form of government - except for all the others.” It is an imperfect system and mistakes are bound to happen.

11. We don’t need to impress other fraternities. There is no legitimate gain in doing so. And you’re soft if you care what random dudes think.

12. Have friends in other fraternities and not in fraternities. View and evaluate people as individuals, not their associated identity. 

13. Just because he lives on your hall or went to your high school doesn’t mean he’s worthy of becoming an Alpha Sig. If you’re the only guy standing up for him, maybe there’s a reason. Just because you trust someone doesn’t mean you should vote how they do. It’s never personal - I would fight through the fires of hell for Dhiren, doesn’t necessarily mean I’d lift a finger for his boy.

14. We can win Chapter of The Year every single year. 

15. You’re never too old to give a fuck. Only a handful of seniors came around when we were freshmen, others thought they had outgrown the brotherhood. The ones who came around contributed to who I am as an individual, and I wouldn’t be the same without them. But I’d be better if they all came around. No need to get a big head just because you turned 21.

16. The average Clemson student is exactly the same as he was when he entered college, nothing has changed except he got 4 years older. Improve and grow. Be above average.

17. Don’t hold grudges. We will have disagreements and arguments, it’s inevitable. It means we care. Cain and Abel is the second story in The Bible: brothers fight, always have and always will. Figure it out and move along. “We are fools to make war on our brothers in arms.”

18. No accomplishment is yours alone. Every brother before you contributed in varying degrees for our fraternity to be in the position it’s currently in, for us to have the opportunities to succeed that we currently have. Win with your brothers alongside you. You can’t hit a grand slam unless there are three runners on base.

19. Never compromise your character just to get a girl to come home with you.

20. Tell the truth, or at the very least, don’t lie.

21. Give a damn about traditions. When traditions die, so do cultures.

22. When you think you’re done, you always have more to give.

23. Love Clemson. There is no school like this. Go to every damn football game, be there at Float Week, get your junior ring. Look at those distant misty mountains and understand the privilege of living in a place so magical and beautiful.

24. Show up to everything. Perhaps it’s bad advice and because I’m a business major - (if you have nothing better to do, go to class) - but skip your classes to make memories. You won’t regret it.

25. Earn your bid. Long after rush is over. Prove all the brothers who spoke for you and voted Yes for you right.

26. We’re not gonna “fix it during pledging.” Adversity doesn’t build character, it reveals it.

27. Do not seek to be remembered. You won’t be and you can’t be - that’s the point. Improve the brotherhood out of pure selflessness and care for your brothers.

28. Do not use the fraternity for personal gain. All actions should come more from a sense of duty than desire. Take the opportunity to improve the organization that has improved you.

29. Ask questions. The fraternity did not begin the day we accepted our bids. Learn about the struggles, mistakes, growth, and development of the brotherhood. You are a crucial part of the Alpha Sig story - know your supporting characters.

30. The most important quality of any fraternity, any group, any government and organization, is the character of its members.

31. When on Prudential, every large decision that you make impacts the brotherhood for years down the line. Buying The Box during a housing crisis and recession put us in debt for 11 years. Had us paying $80,000 a year for a $300,000 house. There are 7-year-olds who will one day become Alpha Sigs who will be impacted by your actions, take seriously such a large responsibility.

32. None of us are worthy of the privileges of having each other as brothers, and neither will be the next generations. We nonetheless owe it to the next generations to make the brotherhood better. Do we not owe them at least the same privileges that we were undeserving of?

33. I told my younger brother Cam not to join Alpha Sig, but join the best fraternity at Clemson, the one that will propel him into the best man he could potentially be.

34. I hope that this is that fraternity.

35. On a personal level, care about others. In terms of large-scale organizational decision-making, fuck everyone who isn’t us.

36. This is not the end.

I wasn’t gonna rush. In September 2019 on my first ever gameday walking back from a tailgate on Oak Street, Whitman argued with me the whole walk to the stadium about it. I have to rush. Screaming in my face, he put down his beer to use his hand gestures to the fullest, not worried about anything else but changing my mind. 

If he didn’t give a fuck about me, he would’ve let me get away with having 100+ less brothers. But he did give a fuck about me, enough to waste his precious time one-on-one yelling at me that I needed to do this. Why?

"The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch and do nothing." On the surface, Whitman convincing me on that walk and in the coming weeks to rush and join Alpha Sig was just an 18-year-old kid wanting to do some cool shit together with his high school best boy. But on a much deeper level, Jake was saving me from the consequences of nothingness, indolence, fear, and indecision. I didn’t drink. What happens during pledging? What if they make me drink? I was afraid of finding out the answer to these questions. 

He made me rush. Why didn’t he watch and do nothing? 

On the battlefield, you do not desert your brothers in arms. You not only have their back, you have their front - you stand alongside them. I am my brother’s keeper, you have heard and might have said. Jake Whitman did not desert me.

Read books. Do push-ups. Make friends. Build strong connections with those friends. Take risks. Get to know girls instead of using them. Care about people. Give a damn. Be willing to jump in front of a bullet for your brothers. Go and set the world on fire. Even at the smallest, seemingly most insignificant level, do not desert your brothers.

In the movie It’s A Wonderful Life, the main character George sits with his father at the dinner table. He has postponed going to college the past 4 years to save his family business and his family’s livelihood, and will postpone it even further to have enough money to send his only brother to college. The townspeople rely on him, the only honest lender in town. The sacrifice sucks though. He’s tired of his small town and wants out. He exclaims to his father: “I wanna do somethin’ big, somethin’ important!” 

His father sighs.

“Ya know George, I feel that - in a small way - we are doing something important.”

I feel that - in a small way - what we do at our fraternity is important. We are bettering the man, fostering brotherhood in a world with a loneliness epidemic and a sharp decline in masculinity. We are providing men with brothers, and we may one day come to a point in our lives where our brothers are all we have.

What does brotherhood mean? PG gave me over 20 rides before I had a car. Graham picked up Cance on the side of the road when he had a flat tire. Quinn drove 50 minutes and back to pick me up on the side of the road. Lawson had Avery’s back in a fight downtown. Wyatt and Cye drove Beall to the hospital when his foot got run over. Freer left a function to teach Tyson how to change a flat tire. AK and Tyson drove Panitz to the hospital.

Gannon stabbed Panitz in the leg with an EpiPen to save his life. Hern wrestled me to the ground on the lawn of The Box to keep me from drunk mopedding home. 

It’s Henny telling me every day that the dance floor’s going to break and me not believing him until he drags me under the house during a party and makes me watch. It’s Tyson and CK driving as Vice President. It’s Parker paying for Whitman to go on spring break. It’s Sammy Gress from Alpha Delta pledge class meeting the brothers of Delta pledge class. It’s Atlas answering which of his pledge brothers’ he’s closest with by saying “honestly all of ‘em.”

If you read all or even some of that, thank you for letting me go overboard one last time. My life advice in every single interview is “A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.” I still believe it. One man can change the world, and the loving, good person - even alone - can make a difference. Imagine what 100 men can do.

Chad Frick has left the group.