Documenting Goodwill

You have heard that you should count your blessings. It’s a fine exercise, but there’s a slight problem: your blessings don’t really change much.

When I hear “blessing,” I imagine something grand and divine, like a sick family member miraculously healing, or having a baby. It’s a large-scale, God-given, spiritual life change. Though it is important to reflect on all the far-reaching good fortune you have received and are grateful for, it can get repetitive.

I wanted to count my blessings, but the smaller, everyday blessings - the ones that occur in the midst of the mundane between all the bigger movements of fate, which happens to be where we spend most of our lives.

This thought occurred to me on April 7th, 2024, at Tiger Town Tavern in Clemson, South Carolina. I ran into my boy Roddy, who I hadn’t seen in months, and he insisted on buying me a world-renowned two-dollar PBR twenty-four-ounce tall-boy, the best bar deal in both the damn Carolinas and probably the whole Southeast. Of course I wanted one, but I declined with the ol’ you don’t have to, thinking I was being polite. Thankfully for me, Roddy persevered:

“Nah man - let me.”

I hadn’t realized that it was rude of me to say no. When your boy offers you a beer, it’s a reminder. You’re my boy. Let me do something nice for you. 

Guys like us have a habit of not wanting anyone to help us, ever. We think we should be able to handle everything on our own, and outsourcing feels like weakness in disguise. Despite the belief that we’re supposed to be completely independent and self-made, it’s impossible to do so.

Refusing to accept another’s act of goodwill can be interpreted as ingratitude. There is something to be said for letting your homie help you. I’m not smart enough to know what it should be, but there’s something to be said.

This past month, I sought to record one act of kindness that I was the recipient of each day. I originally called this exercise Counting Kindnesses, but opted for the more rugged phrase Documenting Goodwill, in the way that “happy birthday” has been replaced with the more masculine “cake and candles, my brother.”

I defined an act of kindness or goodwill as the following: when someone did something not required of them, with the goal of benefitting me. Any act listed wasn’t necessary, but was completed anyway. When these happened and I noticed, I wrote them down in my Notes app. My list is loose and incomplete, and will get better as I continue in further months - there are many acts of kindness I simply forgot to write it down.

If you think people aren’t nice to you and it’s impossible to compile your own list like this, you’re wrong. It’s easy as soon as you’re looking for acts like these. Once you start intentionally searching for acts of kindness and identifying them, you’ll realize how good the people around you are.

Documenting Goodwill has a number of benefits:

1. You will be more appreciative of the small things people do for you.

2. You can identify which friends have your best interests in mind.

3. You will begin considering how you can do more to benefit others.

4. You can more easily reflect on your memories each month.

Another added bonus was realizing how I call almost none of my friends by their government names. I recommend trying this, even for just one day. If not for any of the other benefits, at least you’ll remember when someone was good to you.

Below is my list of Kindnesses Bestowed Upon Me, and if it appears that I am bragging about how good people have been to me, perhaps I am. I believe in the goodness of humanity, and I have great friends and am unashamed of that, so if you’re mentioned, thanks for being my boy and giving a damn about me.

Goodwill Bestowed Upon Me - June 2024

May 31st: Grayson paid for my Chipotle after I helped him move “cuz you’re unemployed now.”

June 1st: Goldy, Bralley, Chas and Ben pulled up to my house to wish me luck on the roadtrip.

June 2nd: Ross drove me around Charleston and let me stay at his crib.

June 3rd: Anne gave me and Ross an MTV Cribz style home tour. Jared gave me a hometown tour of Aiken and recommended I read Crime & Punishment. Biz let me sleep on his couch and Alan and Shtu showed love at the taco spot.

June 4th: Caleb Brown paid for my burger in Rock Hill. Patty Whack paid for my burger in Richmond. It was a lamb burger, so he must think he’s better than Caleb or something.

June 5th: D brought me as his guest to LA Fitness. Cam helped me unload my car, then drove me to DC. Squeeb and Merch let me sleep on their couch and provided a ‘low and blank.

June 6th: Finn let me stay at his place in NYC.

June 7th: Finn paid for my breakfast sandwich after demanding that I hit a 6AM run with him.

June 8th, multiple times: I was offered the Greek equivalent of Zyn by many a stranger.

June 9th: Taxi driver let me pay cheaper than the meter price.

June 10th: Dhiren put me on to that pudding 😼

June 11th: AK gave me a razor. The Greek businessman who we rented ATVs from drove us to the airport for free.

June 12th: The woman at the ITA Airways counter in Athens moved me to an earlier flight at no charge, just so I wouldn’t have to hustle to my connection. Finn let me stay at his place, again. 

June 13th: Cam picked me up from the bus stop in Bethesda.

June 14th: My nephew Chuck T hit me with some encouragement over the phone 🕺

June 15th: Julio paid for the pool table in La Dalia. English-speaking lady gave us a tour of the new library in San Salvador.

June 16th: The mason at the school taught me the knot used to wire rebar to other pieces of rebar.

June 17th: The El Salvador crew listened to all my songs and sang along to Take You There.

June 18th: Bas put me on to some skincare products after I revealed I’ve never had a skincare routine.

June 19th: Lynette set the crew up with ATV rides in Cuidad Arce.

June 20th: Hanel demanded I play a song I wrote.

June 21st: The Hermann Sisters bandaged my feet after engaging in some treacherous barefoot soccer.

June 22nd: Chief let me wear his Crocs to the airport since mine were damaged in a horrible construction accident.

June 23rd: Nar expressed that the Tampa bros missed me by flexing that they were on a boat right now without me. How kind!

June 24th: Scooter sent me a text checkin’ in on tha family 😤💯

June 25th: Country guy named Justin in the studio told me I had “good tone.” Sick.

June 26th: The dude who works in Guitar Center in Rockville silently watched a full 8-minute tutorial video with me, so I could learn how to connect two inputs to one output with a Scarlett audio interface.

June 27th: Steppington bought me a beer at Seacret’s. 😎

June 28th: Kyle got me Dumser’s ice cream after Fager’s.

June 29th: Lup gave me a ride to Starboard. Worch paid for Grotto’s.

June 30th: Cam recorded when three strangers on the beach asked if I’d play a song for them. You read this article. Thanks!