Prove Them Right

My Instagram algorithm presents me motivational videos of triumphant people accomplishing great feats, with a powerful voice demanding that I, also, do something extraordinary. Most are good, many are cringy, and almost all of them share some message about showing up your haters.

There must be a certain human emotion only accessed in proving others wrong. I’ve never felt it, but I’m sure it’s overwhelmingly powerful. Just the desire to “prove others wrong” is often enough fuel to send people to extraordinary heights. But it’s kind of weird.

The desire to “prove the haters wrong” is so strong that it makes me wish I had an arch-enemy - a very specific, personal hater who I could repeatedly humiliate and shame by my consistent progress and prosperity. It would also be kind of creepy if I spent all day thinking of this dude as I did push-ups, went on a run, made music, wrote a blog, or did anything else that I feel helps me grow.

I get it, it would be sick to have a dark and mysterious underdog story where you embarrass all your doubters and detractors by your continued success, but constantly thinking about people who don’t like you is obsessive and unhealthy. And to allow someone’s negative opinion to weigh so heavily on your desires, motivations, and resulting actions is costly, draining, and - once again - weirdly obsessive.

Of course, opinions do influence us, and only a rare few can live largely uninfluenced by any opinion. The rest of us are stuck here being told or asked or advised what to think. Receiving unsolicited opinions is unavoidable, but the beautiful thing is we get to choose which and whose opinions we care about.

Breaking news - most people don’t think about you. Even your “hater,” your nemesis, your ex-girlfriend, your childhood bully, your old coach who yelled when you dropped the ball, the teacher who thought you were stupid, probably is thinking about something, anything else right now. And if he’s not - if he’s stewing around, sitting alone in a dark room, frowning, arms crossed, angrily fuming about the way your life has gone - that’s weird (as I’ve stated twice above). Let those people waste their time.

You definitely have more supporters than doubters. There are definitely far fewer people who doubt you than those who care about you and want you to succeed.

For anyone who has ever invested time into your development, the best repayment you can give them is success and fulfillment. If there is someone who made you better - a teacher, parent, older sibling - and you make the world better, you have increased that person’s impact, which is a selfless and noble achievement.

Even people who don’t know you want you to succeed. Whether they currently know of your existence or not, your future employees want you to succeed. Your future customers, listeners, readers, and viewers want you to succeed. Your future clients, product users, fans, and friends want you to succeed. Your future wife, children, and grandchildren want you to succeed. Instead of proving others wrong, it is more impactful to prove others right. There are more people to prove right, and more people whose opinions you should care about.

I want to make my mom proud, my dad proud, my brothers proud, my friends proud and if anyone watching from heaven happens to tune in, I want them to be proud. My day-to-day motivating force is to prove others right. They believed in me, or currently believe in me, I can’t let them be wrong.